I Didn't Bond With My Baby Right Away, And That's Okay!

 

This was it. 

It was happening to me. 

A moment that so many mothers hear about & hope doesn’t happen to them or think no way this could happen to me.   A moment I thought about a bunch during my pregnancy & hoped wouldn’t happen... happened. 

I didn’t connect with my baby...and that’s okay.

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December 11th 2018 I had my second beautiful baby girl via repeat c-section under general anesthesia. The days leading up to my c-section I would on and off think about how scared I was that I wasn’t going to connect to my second child because of the amazing bond I have with my first. From the second my first was born I was In awe.

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We were best friends. With my second.. as soon as I woke up from my c-section meeting my daughter was the last thing on my mind. I feel terrible even saying that.... but in that moment when I woke up I was crying in pain as soon as my eyes opened.

I vaguely remember them handing her to me to latch on for the first time ... which is suppose to be a magical moment. She didn’t feel like my baby when I looked at her. When it came time to go into our own room it was hospital policy that the mom had to hold the baby in the bed while being wheeled to the room.

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I kept begging my husband to hold her. I truly to this day even 3 months later am confused about what happened those few days in the hospital where I just didn’t feel connected to this beautiful little human that I just spent 9 months growing in me.

Was it the fact that my pregnancy was up & down ? Was it the fact that so much had gone on leading up to that day ? Was I truly just out of it from a massive surgery ? Or did I suffer from a mild postpartum depression ? All I can say is I felt so much guilt.

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I felt like a terrible human being. Even my husband could tell I wasn’t connecting with the baby as much as I did with our first. Which made me feel even worse about myself.

I didn’t connect with my baby & that’s okay.  It took me a little bit , but now she’s my little best friend too. I wouldn’t have it any other way now as both my girls are my best friends. 

* TLMB x EBP Empowered Tee HERE.