Postpartum Depression Intervened With My Milk Supply

 

Hi moms! I’m back with another blog post with TLMB. This topic really hits me hard and I struggled with saying this out loud and not to mention write about it but there might be a mom out there who is going through this and believe me I know what you’re going through.

In my previous blog (HERE), I mentioned that my milk supply didn’t arrive until after my departure from the hospital. I struggled with latching my son and juggling a schedule when to pump, how to positioned him etc. Now imagine all of that and realizing that you have postpartum depression. Not the best feeling for a first time mom here.

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I was happy but the moment it came to breastfeeding or holding my baby I became sad, angry and confused about what I was feeling.

When I had the chance to pump, I hated it. I hated it so much that I would prefer to deal with engorgement breast than to pump. Due to that I realized my milk supply went from pumping 6 oz each and then only 2 oz each.

I couldn’t admit that something was wrong with me because no one in my family went through it and it wasn’t a topic I never heard even though there were flyers in the waiting room when I had a checkup during my pregnancy. I thought it was just in my head and I would eventually get over it.

 

My baby would cry of hunger and instead of latching him I would just have my husband feed him express milk and I would go to the restroom and cry. I used my C-section as an excuse to not want to breastfeed him because I didn’t want to be known as a bad mother.

Then I realized that not only was I affecting myself by not admitting I had a problem and asking for help but I also was taking away the good stuff from my baby.

I finally burst into tears in front of my husband and admitted to him that I had a problem and I needed help. I told him that was the reason why my milk supply was drying up and I didn’t want to give up on breastfeeding and most importantly enjoy the newborn phase.

He told me why I never said anything and I mentioned how scared I was to say anything because I didn’t want to be called names or just be ignored.

He hugged me and kissed me and I knew in that moment that I wasn’t alone. I always knew he will be there for me but I just wanted to be that good mom that can do everything on her own, but sometimes help is okay to received.

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I talked to him every time I began to drown and he will listen. He will compliment me in the most random things like “I love the way you use the restroom without my help” or “you look so lovely with your messy hair” lol. Yup they are silly but I be lying if I said it didn’t work because it did.

I became confident in everything I did ever since I opened up to him. I was finally able to change my baby’s first diaper without feeling defeated. I also noticed a change in my milk supply. The more I latch my baby the more my milk became to increased and omg did that not make me so damn happy.

I was finally feeling better and very fortunate all at once. Not a lot of moms get to experience postpartum depression and those who do, they are afraid too talk about it. I was. I didn’t want to admit my depression and I was afraid to be laughed at but the reason I finally spoke up was that I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my milk. Having an excuse isn’t always the solution to speak up but sometimes you need that one reason to realize things you don’t want to.

 

If you are a mom that is going through postpartum depression, please use your voice and ask for help. Talk to your partner, mom or even a friend. Don’t be embarrassed to cry because I felt better every time I did. Don’t let this keep you from enjoying your baby and the blessing of being a mom.

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